


i forgive you, please forgive yourself

by villainness



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Childhood Memories, F/F, Forgiveness, Hurt/Comfort, Mostly comfort!, Romance, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) Season 5 Spoilers, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:00:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24284002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/villainness/pseuds/villainness
Summary: Being vulnerable was something she was new at.But Adora was always a good listener.A little hurt/comfort, post-Horde Prime cuddling in Bright Moon.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Catra/She-Ra (She-Ra)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 195





	i forgive you, please forgive yourself

Catra wasn’t good at saying I love you. Not directly, at least. Sure, she had said it- in trying times, to the one person she felt like she could be herself to- Adora. Adora, who had seen her at her highest and lowest, and despite it all, choosing her when it mattered most. Adora, the only constant in her life, her smile a sunbeam in the shadows of their shared childhood.

But being vulnerable was something she was new at. She had always lived behind a facade, even with Adora. Though neither liked to acknowledge it, she had always been behind Adora’s reputation in the Horde, and though she had tried to not let it bother her, there were times when she pushed it far out of Adora’s attention. They had always been close, and shared nearly every memory of their past, but there were still things she never could have admitted to Adora, even before the war separated them. Slowly, that facade was crumbling, but she wasn’t quite there yet. She wasn’t ready to tell her every detail, especially those in the three years they had been apart. She wasn’t ready to let her “I love you’s” roll so freely off her tongue, despite how desperately she longed to and how desperately she longed to hear them back.

Catra blew at a strand of Adora’s blonde hair that had escaped her almost-always immaculately perfect ponytail. Today, it was loose, as the two of them lay on the bed in Adora’s room in the Bright Moon castle. Adora laid on her stomach, feet gently kicking off the wall in a soft rhythm as she scribbled in a notebook. Melog slept at the foot of the bed, while Catra pressed up against Adora’s face, her eyes fluttering open and closed as she alternated between being half asleep and peering at Adora’s attempts to draw. They were messy, stick-figure like doodles of Adora’s little wish-dream she had when activating the failsafe. Whether it was just that, a dream, or some sort of premonition, only time would tell. 

“I’m telling you, you had these little boots on! But I mean, you still weren’t taller than me, even with the shoes...” Adora turned her head slightly, giving her that smug, half turned smirk that Catra had admired for years growing up. 

“Oh shut up! Like being taller makes you any better than me!” The tips of her ears peaked up, her face hot with annoyance as she pushed Adora forward, making the two of them tumble across the bed. She landed on top, her arms draped across Adora’s. Her laugh rang in her ears, and Catra softened to a warm glow. She purred and leaned closer, watching the laugh lines in Adora’s face crinkle with joy.

It had been a while since she had a view like this. They’d had their fair share of rough and tumble encounters, where they had fallen down in similar positions. As kids, it always ended in Adora throwing her off in a fit of laughter, before helping each other up and rushing to steal some extra ration bars from Kyle. But the last few years, the only times she had gotten this close to seeing Adora’s face, there was an air of concern, of hurt, of confusion. A look that had made her stomach tie up in knots and her chest tight with anger and frustration. Catra shook her head, trying to get the look out of her mind, trying to concentrate on the way Adora looked at her now instead. But the image of her frown and those furrowed eyebrows persisted, and the way she seemed to bite back words when she had looked at her then…

Catra jumped off Adora and onto the floor. She crouched beside the bed, let out a breath and closed her eyes, holding her temples between her pointed fingers. Melog stirred, sensing her distress and rolled over, nudging her and sliding between her legs to press up against Catra’s bowed head.

“Catra?” Adora said, soft with concern. The look she gave now was similar- her grey eyes were softer, lighter, and absent of the frustration Adora had once felt towards her. But still, the way her eyebrows turned down, that small frown… Catra tightened her closed eyes once more and turned away.

“Not now, Adora,” she muttered. She felt that wall coming back up. The familiar pressure of her body tensing up, as if walls really were coming up inside her, to fortify her and protect her heart from everyone else.

Adora didn’t listen. _She never listens._

Adora only leaned in closer. She felt her calloused fingers land softly against her rigid shoulders, and her warm breath against her cheek. She paused there for a second, as if testing to see if Catra would scratch back at her and pull away. When she didn’t, her arms extended, sliding down the length of her arms to reach each of her clenched fists.

“Catra, you’re not alone anymore. You never were, remember? You can still tell me anything, everything, just like old times.” Adora whispered. She meant it, but Catra bit her lip.

“But I _was_ alone.” Catra turned her head in her hands, looking at Adora’s worried face.

“I… I know. And I’m sorry. I really am. But we both understand why I had to leave now… right?” Adora’s hands fell back a little, still holding her, but further down her arm. 

“Yes. Of course I do.” Catra sighed. “I forgive you, I just…” she hesitated, unsure on how to continue or if she even wanted to.

Adora’s nails pressed into her forearms a little harder. In a way, it was comforting, feeling the way Adora’s strength held her up. Her drawn lips softened into a smile. She didn’t say anything, but Catra knew she was listening. It was the smile Adora had shown her when they were young, when Catra had run away to be alone again after getting yelled at by Shadow Weaver or teased by another Horde cadet. That smile that told her she was there for her, that Adora _wanted_ to be there and even seeked her out to do just that. The walls inside her faltered, allowing her to release a shaky breath.

“When I was alone, I was… so mad. At you, obviously, and the whole Rebellion, but,” she shut her eyes and dropped her hands from her face, allowing herself to rest against Adora’s strong palms instead. Her fingers stroked her cheek, pulling a gentle purr from her. “I was mostly mad at myself. I just kept seeing your face in my mind, and that _stupid_ look of yours. The one that’s all worried about me. Making me question myself and feel guilty.”

“Aww, you thought of me?” Adora interjected with a smile.

“Shut up,” Catra said, headbutting Adora’s chin above her and eliciting a yelp from her. But she appreciated her humor. It made it easier to continue. The two adjusted their position so the two sat on the floor, Catra leaned back against Adora’s chest, forcing Melog to curl around their feet.

“Yeah, of course I thought of you. A lot. And I thought… I thought you would never forgive me. I couldn’t forgive myself, so why would you?” She laughed grimly and stared at the towering blank wall across them. “I hurt you, your friends, all of Etheria. Even now, part of me is still afraid you’ll remember all that and change your mind about us.” She traced her claw against the castle tile, leaving a thin, faint curling scratch. She was nervous to hear what Adora would say to that. 

Adora was silent for a moment. Thinking, perhaps. Her toned arms were draped across each of her shoulders, holding her close to her chest. She felt it rise and fall as she breathed in and out. Catra tried to match her own breaths with that rhythm, still searching for a distraction from her thoughts.

“After everything we’ve been through,” Adora started finally, her grip tightening around Catra. “I thought you would’ve known… Catra, I’m sorry, too. I should’ve shown you, that even when you were alone, and lashing out at the world around you, I loved you.”

Catra felt a warm heat rise up against her cheeks and nose. “I-”

“No, listen.” Adora leaned forward, resting her chin on Catra’s shoulder and leaning into the crook of her neck as she held her. “I love you. I loved you. Even when you were so far away from me. I just wanted it all to be over so I could come back for you and you wouldn’t have to be alone anymore. I wanted you the whole time. And you’re right, it hurt, seeing what you were doing. But it hurt me more that I wasn’t around for you.”

“When I finally got you back, I thought things would be the same again. But of course, it couldn’t be. It never will be. But look at how much you’ve grown, Catra,” Adora tilted her chin to the side slightly, pointing in the direction of the vanity mirror on their right. Catra saw the two of them in the bottom corner. Her short hair was disheveled and her eyes were tired, but Adora was curled around her. She was clutching her to her chest like she was afraid she would run away, as if Catra was the most precious thing to her and she could not stand to ever lose her. 

“Did you ever think you’d be inside a Princess’ castle, sleeping peacefully and _not_ attacking it?” Catra saw the way Adora smiled at her. It was sincere, happy, and content that they were sharing this moment together.

“I forgive you, Catra. For everything. You already made your apology and you’ve changed. And even if you hadn’t,” Adora pursed her lips and pressed them against Catra’s soft cheek, brushing the fur around her lips. “I still love you.”

A tear welled up the corner of Catra’s eye and dribbled down her face, streaking the spot Adora had kissed. _Adora, she loves me. She loved me._ She knew this, of course, but every time she heard it, it felt like the first time all over again. She still couldn’t believe this reality was hers.

She turned her head in Adora’s direction. 

“Come here, you idiot.” She leaned in to meet Adora’s lips this time. Every time, she was still shocked by how it felt. Adora’s lips were so soft, so pink, compared to her own rough and chapped lips. Despite the way they poked at Adora, she just kissed deeper, the wetness of their kiss softening her rough edges. The yielding way she kissed her was unlike anything she ever could have imagined she deserved. And yet, here she was, being treated with such tenderness and such kindness. Such forgiveness.

Their lips pulled apart, but their foreheads remained pressed together. In the mirror, she could see Adora reaching for her hand. Catra spread out her fingers, welcoming Adora’s show of affection. 

“I love you, Catra.” 

“I know,” she said, with a little bit of a smirk. But she let that soften, too, and peered up at the taller woman. It was hard to be vulnerable, but she had to. Adora deserved to hear the words just as much as Adora believed Catra needed to. 

“But… I love you, too, Adora. Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all! This is the first time I'm writing in three years (we all have catradora to thank for my sudden spark in interest again lmao). Here's to hopefully more fic in the future...


End file.
